Khaös Warband

Here goes creating a Realm of Chaos:Slaves to Darkness warband for Orlyggs chaos warbands game at the forthcoming Foundry do.

These are my HAUS-ROOLZ:

• illustrate using only the work of Ian Miller
• dice fall where they may
• obey with the will of the gods (in this case Khörne) 
• abuse diacritic marks
• quote non-gaming 80's pop-culture in a sideways self-referential manner

THE CHAMPION

Roll1: 74 Human
Ok, bit dull there Khörne, human the most likely type, with all the fun options, to say the least, I'm truly disappointed.

Roll2: 3 Standard profile
Fair enough.  I'm determined to play by the dice, so standard human profile is what I get, along with a vague feeling that the will of Khörne is against me. Young God, I wanna help you, collect blood and stuff, so come on..

Roll3: 714 Plague Bearer
Plaguebearer of Khörne.  Sub-roll: 1 The Shakes - attacks cause  T-1 and A-1 loss, whether they hit or not. Oh great, but also gives him  T-1 and A-1 losses, but as stats can't go below 0, so no effect, phew. Otherwise my Champion of Khörne would be unable to actually attack anything, which is exactly what a god of war would look for in a follower, ah but, his friends and his foes, would rather die than have to touch him.

So there we have it, my Chaos Champion, a weak, ill, low-level human, probably spent his whole life in ruins, because of people who are nice. Champion gets chaos armour for free, and a chaos steed or weapon. Seeing my luck I'd probably roll up a broken bicycle, on a hillside de-solate.

The Experiment

THE WARBAND

5 rolls for a level 5?  I'll drop one as my champion is no-level, so 4 rolls on the retinue table, lets see what depraved creatures of chaos decide to join my Champion on their quest.

Roll: 3: Beastmen
Sub-roll: 9. Nine mortal beastmen doomed to die... again, the most common type...

Gor Un Gor

Roll: XX : Wólves
Sub roll: 10. OK, I like wólves, or maybe Woolfs of a Virginian persuasion.

Who is Afraid of the Virginian Woolf?

Roll: 93 : Trôll
Trôll! Regen and everything. Plus 2 attributes...

538: Levitation
Levitating Trôll, yeah! With complex point-spend flying rules to boot. That's really fun, a troll hovering around,  out of harms way, regenerating a bit, then deciding there is nowhere to go but down. Perhaps it's some kind of tantric-farting troll that brings a message on an ill-wind, thanks Khörne looks like the blood red light of your blessing is shining down on me...

892: Temporal Instability
Oh no, Khörne has changed his mind again. Temporal Instability means every turn I have to roll a D6, on a roll of 1, roll another D6 and the Trôll is out of the game for that number of turns. So I've got a flying troll that probably hardly even appear on the field of battle. Truly, truly, dissapointed.

Flying Trôll, if he bothers to turn up on time.

Roll: 73 : Humans
Subroll: 3. I'm beginning to suspect this warband may lack style, you know, but each blood must blossom and grow...

3 Men | The City | Ian Miller

This is supposed to be the Realms of Chaos, where's my Dragon-ogre with a plasma-cannon for a head? Or my chaos dwarf were-harpy?  Apart from the Floating Troll of Tardiness, this list is just about as miserable a list as you can get. Hey Khörne, read these lines: truly disappointed, truly, troooly truleh ooooh oh ah ha ha.

Mörrrissey : Dissapointed

Ah, good night, and thank you.