Sunday 10 February 2013

Khaös Warband

Here goes creating a Realm of Chaos:Slaves to Darkness warband for Orlyggs chaos warbands game at the forthcoming Foundry do.

These are my HAUS-ROOLZ:
  • illustrate using only the work of Ian Miller
  • dice fall where they may
  • obey with the will of the gods (in this case Khörne) 
  • abuse diacritic marks
  • quote non-gaming 80's pop-culture in a sideways self-referential manner

THE CHAMPION

Roll1: 74 Human
Ok, bit dull there Khörne, human the most likely type, with all the fun options, to say the least, I'm truly disappointed.

Roll2: 3 Standard profile
Fair enough.  I'm determined to play by the dice, so standard human profile is what I get, along with a vague feeling that the will of Khörne is against me. Young God, I wanna help you, collect blood and stuff, so come on..

Roll3: 714 Plague Bearer
Plaguebearer of Khörne.  Sub-roll: 1 The Shakes - attacks cause  T-1 and A-1 loss, whether they hit or not. Oh great, but also gives him  T-1 and A-1 losses, but as stats can't go below 0, so no effect, phew. Otherwise my Champion of Khörne would be unable to actually attack anything, which is exactly what a god of war would look for in a follower, ah but, his friends and his foes, would rather die than have to touch him.

So there we have it, my Chaos Champion, a weak, ill, low-level human, probably spent his whole life in ruins, because of people who are nice. Champion gets chaos armour for free, and a chaos steed or weapon. Seeing my luck I'd probably roll up a broken bicycle, on a hillside de-solate.

The Experiment


THE WARBAND

5 rolls for a level 5?  I'll drop one as my champion is no-level, so 4 rolls on the retinue table, lets see what depraved creatures of chaos decide to join my Champion on their quest.

Roll: 3: Beastmen
Sub-roll: 9. Nine mortal beastmen doomed to die... again, the most common type...

Gor Un Gor


Roll: XX : Wólves
Sub roll: 10. OK, I like wólves, or maybe Woolfs of a Virginian persuasion.

Who is Afraid of the Virginian Woolf?


Roll: 93 : Trôll
Trôll! Regen and everything. Plus 2 attributes...

538: Levitation
Levitating Trôll, yeah! With complex point-spend flying rules to boot. That's really fun, a troll hovering around,  out of harms way, regenerating a bit, then deciding there is nowhere to go but down. Perhaps it's some kind of tantric-farting troll that brings a message on an ill-wind, thanks Khörne looks like the blood red light of your blessing is shining down on me...

892: Temporal Instability
Oh no, Khörne has changed his mind again. Temporal Instability means every turn I have to roll a D6, on a roll of 1, roll another D6 and the Trôll is out of the game for that number of turns. So I've got a flying troll that probably hardly even appear on the field of battle. Truly, truly, dissapointed.

Flying Trôll, if he bothers to turn up on time.


Roll: 73 : Humans
Subroll: 3. I'm beginning to suspect this warband may lack style, you know, but each blood must blossom and grow...

3 Men | The City | Ian Miller


This is supposed to be the Realms of Chaos, where's my Dragon-ogre with a plasma-cannon for a head? Or my chaos dwarf were-harpy?  Apart from the Floating Troll of Tardiness, this list is just about as miserable a list as you can get. Hey Khörne, read these lines: truly disappointed, truly, troooly truleh ooooh oh ah ha ha.

Mörrrissey : Dissapointed
Ah, good night, and thank you.

10 comments:

  1. Not that bad really Zhu, OK your champion stinks, probably literally but the warband is quite Good. Beastmen are hard and you have nine. Fast wolves are very useful and a unit of humans, give them bows and they'll be twice as useful. Make them cultists and they can have Khaos attributes.

    Are you going to paint this band up?

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  2. ...and, you should have an edge in terms of the sheer number of models that will swarm over the table barking 'blood for the blood god!', shouldn't you?

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  3. Oh, I'm totally overstating the level of disappointment so I can shoe-horn the Morrissey lyrics in.

    1 ailing anti-hero, 9 Beastmen, 10 Wolves, 3 Humans and 1 Troll, it has a nice, low fantasy almost folkloric feel to it. Need to work on a theme...

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  4. Just because of how ailing he is, and I guess the wolves, it feels like a band of survivors, perhaps due to being angry vicious psychopaths the last survivors of a raided village are accepted by the raiding beastmen. Or survivors make some dark pact to save themselves form a wolf pack, then finding common ground...

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  5. Can you not give the 'hero' a horse - a broken down old nag - and have his men tie him into the saddle? Have him trot semi-consciously ahead of his 'pack', a figurehead masquerading as a Chaos champion.

    Or maybe carried into battle seated on his shield, too weak to walk?

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  6. I dunno about the rest of the warband, but I love the idea of this Troll levitating with excitement whenever it gets a good idea or 'gets' something, only to drift slowly to the ground as its brain loses grip on the thought and it descends back into its common stupidity...

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  7. Andy - I like the Maimed King motif, I imagine him something like Durers Famine from the 4 horesemen, sending the diseased ahead to weaken the enemy.

    Erny - yeah I can dig that, perhaps even captured humans suffering stockholm syndrome, or forced/goaded into fighting rather than willing participants.

    Gaj - I'm getting Captain Caveman vibes, zoiks! I'd stupidly forgotten about Stupidity :-)


    I was thinking along the lines of the Champion suffering from St. Vitrus Dance - with a touch of the Pied Piper leading Wolves instead of rats. The beastmen and men would be a psychotic medieval Mummers procession, dressed in motely rags. Not sure but I think I'd need to rephrase the special rules for the troll as a dancing mania, changing nothing mechanically, just making the description more thematic.

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  8. Disco mania? Are you sure this a Khorne warband? Sounds suspiciously Slaaneshi to me!

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  9. I'm thinking more morrismen in a moshpit than some dodgy poledancing BDSM joint. The Danse of the Red Redemption. There will be blood.

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  10. Surely that should be Morrsliebmen. Damn thats cool now. I take it back you can't have Morrsliebmen their mine.

    Seriously what isn't to love about crazy Khaos moon folk dancers.

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